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Have you ever felt surprised (or even scared) by a sudden lack of motivation? Maybe you usually aim to do a lot of things every day – send your kids to school, send e-mails, wash the dishes — but suddenly you can’t force yourself to do it anymore. You feel exhausted, physically and emotionally, and you worry that you will never finish your to-do list.
If your need for productivity stems from a need to numb or distract yourself, for example, you may feel a “trauma urge” or an urge to stay busy to cope. Then, when that craving subsides, your body is in a “restful healing” phase. A trauma counselor on TikTok, Courtney, speaks regularly about this concept. While this lack of motivation can be stressful, try not to fight it: it usually means your body feels safe enough to truly relax and heal.
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So where exactly does the traumatic drive come from? “Any experience that invokes trauma can cause a traumatic drive to develop,” says Lora “Leanne” Dudleya licensed clinical social worker with Thriveworks in Lynchburg, Virginia who has spent over 15 years working with trauma survivors. “The trauma drive is your body’s way of protecting itself against reliving experiences that are similar to your trauma.” It can be like taking care of chores, work, taking care of your children, or keeping your apartment clean – anything that takes your mind off your pain.
Although it may seem great at first – after all, checking items on a to-do list increases dopamine, a feel-good neurotransmitter – it’s not sustainable (or helpful to your long-term well-being). “The motivation for trauma comes from a place of fear where that trauma lives within us,” Dudley says. Bring compassion for yourself, not judgment, as you enter the restful phase of healing.
Speaking of ‘restful healing’, this is the period after the urge ends when you don’t really want to do anything. Your body wants to relax, and it finally feels safe and strong enough to do so. This step is also necessary for your body. “The need to slow down is because the body can’t sustain long periods of hyper-focus and drive,” Dudley explains.
Some signs that you may be approaching the restful healing phase, she adds, are feeling unmotivated or emotionally drained, having less desire to “get through” and feeling less tension in your body. “It’s your body’s way of giving you indicators that rest is needed both physically and mentally for you to reset,” Dudley says. Although it may seem stressful or unfamiliar, she encourages you to stop and breathe. “Is your apartment clean?” Is the laundry folded? Maybe not, and that’s fine. Giving yourself permission to let it happen is part of healing.
This part can be easier said than done, especially if you have a long to-do list. But rest assured, your body and mind need and deserve it. “Restful healing is a time when not only can you physically breathe and take a moment, but you can also begin to examine your trauma history and begin to work on your self-healing journey,” says Dudley. And what a great thing it is for your brain to feel safe enough to relax and heal, and to communicate that to your body.
Really leaning into doing nothing can be more productive here, as counterintuitive as that may seem. Dudley encourages staying present. “Don’t think about the grocery list you need to make or how you’re going to climb the corporate ladder — just be,” she says. “It can take time and practice because it’s hard to disengage and just be present. It might sound scary, but it’s necessary.
A few ways to look into rest and rejuvenate watch a funny movie on the sofa, loggingread the self-help book suggested by your therapist, sit outside, or take a nap.
Remember, you will always have something you “should” do — and it will all get done. Actually, take a “cleaning vacation” can help you be more productive (not to mention happier and healthier) in the long run. “Taking time for yourself is something that is not highlighted, but should be, because not only does the body physically need rest, but the mind also needs rest to not think. and also be super focused,” Dudley says. She urges you to give yourselves grace.
There’s no shame in taking breaks and taking care of yourself, even if it means your apartment is messy.
